Steve Garvin: Since 2007, Kim Gray has helped over 300 clients slay their fears around networking in big groups, boost their confidence to connect with prospects and show up online with savvy and skill. In this Stories of Gold Conversation, Kim Gray shares how she helps coaches tame their marketing monsters, so they can build their business, change lives, and make a bigger difference in the world.
Kim Gray: Steve, we came together a few years ago when you helped me with my story. Storytelling is an art. I’ve learned from you not everybody can tell a story. Sometimes you don’t know which story to tell. Our lives have so many stories. You were absolutely instrumental in helping me to figure out which ones were the best ones to tell at the right time. So yes, I’ve helped over 300 coaches, but it’s really coaches and introverts, because that’s a very specific audience. They have very specific needs.
Steve: So Kim, tell me why introverts
Kim: Oh, I live and breathe it. It took me 40 years to figure out that I was an introvert. There was so many things in my life that didn’t feel right. There were so many opportunities that came up that for me that just didn’t sit right. It didn’t match. I couldn’t figure out why these opportunities kept showing up. But I couldn’t step into them and feel comfortable in them. It wasn’t until I became an entrepreneur, opened my doors for business, and still felt like if this doesn’t feel right. And then I came across the most amazing book ever, Networking for People Who Hate Networking.
I could not believe someone wrote this book. The author, Devora Zack spoke to me and said, networking was designed for extroverts. If you’re an introvert, no wonder it doesn’t feel right. I was like, the heavens opened the angel started singing. I was like, Yes, this is me. And I stopped worrying about being all things to all people and be true to myself. Absolutely. And then I figured out there’s a lot of other folks out there trying to be everything to everybody. And I and I jumped on my soapbox, and I started to embrace working with introverts.
Steve: What do you mean by an introvert?
Kim: You know, Steve it’s so funny. When I ask people who are an introvert or an extrovert, they actually get the disease. Whenever you go and spend the day around lots of people, and you say I need a break, I need some fresh air, I need a nap, chances are you’re an introvert. Gatherings like that take all the energy out of you. And you have nothing left. Right?
You might think Zoom would be perfect for an introvert, but after I’ve put a few meetings behind me, I need a nap. I don’t want the phone to ring. I don’t like nothing. I just need to be by myself. And I’m cool with that, you know. So if you have that kind of energy or that kind of environment, when you say I need to go into my quiet space, chances are you’re an introvert. It doesn’t mean that introverts can’t speak. We’re great public speakers. Get us on a platform where you got to put the butts in the seats. And they’re coming to hear me speak and I know they’re there to hear me speak. Oh, honey, the extrovert is all over the place. But in between that I’m at the house. I’m in my pajamas. I’m chilling until that next meeting.
I think one of the things misconceptions about introverts, and by the way, I’m an introvert too. While I love interacting with people, having these conversations and just helping people out, at the end of the day, I want to just be alone. Leave me alone. Let me recharge my batteries, right? Which makes things a little bit interesting when I live in a household of seven people right now. We’re all in the same house, but we’re all in our own little corners, messing with our phones, or whatever we’re doing. We come together for a few minutes, and then we go our separate ways again, and it’s not that we don’t like each other. We all need our space. We all need to recharge and reconnect and, and just really tap in.
Steve: Tell me about this convergence between introversion and marketing, how does that work? How do you get your message out there, if getting your message out there sometimes takes all your energy.
Kim: You know, we each need to find the one thing we love to do, and turn that into the vehicle for which we use to market our business. And there’s like, a list of activities available. What happens is, as an introvert, we can get sucked into this whirlwind, believing what everybody else says they’re doing and has been successful for them. And I say to my, my folks, but they may be extroverts. And for them doing all of this is great. But for you, it might not work. So let’s figure out what it is you love to do. And there were like four or five things that introverts love to do. Can you think of one?
Steve: Well, while you were saying that, I was thinking about how writing is something I love doing.
Kim: Yep. So writing is one of the things that introverts love to do. Because we don’t have to worry about anybody else’s opinion. It’s my story, I tell her how I want to, and it’s so non-judgmental. So I could just share it. And I don’t really care about feedback. Another one, so we could do writing, which means we could do newsletters, we could do blog posts, right, we can write articles. And if you’re going to do it, I said, then let’s just do it consistently. And lay out a plan each month, maybe you do one newsletter, each month, maybe you do one blog post, but when you do the post, tell the world that you posted it.
So you can’t just leave it on your post on your blog, you got to go into your social media, and you got to tell him that it’s there, you got to go into your LinkedIn profile. So if you put it on your on your website, then you got to link into all your other social media places and just tell them it’s there. That’s all you have to do. And if that’s all the marketing you do for your business, then that’s it. Right? So figure out what is it you love to do?
I have others who love to do Facebook Live, so they want to do podcasting? Great. Let that be your thing. Just make a plan that you’re consistently going to do it and show up when you say you will. And then tell tell the world what you did you know. So that’s one of the things that introverts are great at this, find what you’re great at, but then step it up, and then tell the world how great you are, and that you’ve put this information out there. Because they are not just going to show up on your website or your blog. They’re going to you need to tell them that that’s where it is. Absolutely.
Steve: You know, you bring up an interesting point. And that when I think about Facebook Lives, like we’re doing right now, and like I’ve honestly been doing on my own page for the last 24 days. I usually think of that in terms of that’s more of an extrovert activity than an introvert activity. But the way that you just expressed it has me rethinking that. Are there introverted activities and extroverted activities or they just different approaches to the same activities?
Kim: It’s, it’s the same activity, it just depends upon who’s using it. So an extrovert may publicize more and more places, because they feel they’ve got to be everywhere and be everything. And an introvert could do the exact same activity and just be consistent. In one place, maybe three, it depends upon the social media. So we always need to figure out where’s our audience? And that’s where we want to be. We don’t have to be anywhere else. So if your audience is on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn. Figure out where your audience is it then that’s where you need to be. And so yes, there are a lot of activities, it just depends upon how you approach it from whether you are an introvert, or an extrovert, okay?
Being an introvert doesn’t prevent you from showing up doing a Facebook Live, or from I don’t know, getting up on a stage. It just means that that you probably approached it from a different angle.
Steve: When I think about that, I think about one of the speaking trainings that I went to, the leader of that would do these three day events where we’re all speaking on stage the whole time. And of course, she’s speaking on stage a lot of the time. But when she wasn’t on stage, she made a beeline directly to her hotel room, and said, Okay, leave me alone. On stage, she’s this really powerful presenter. But as soon as that’s over, she’s gone. She’s like, you know, leave me alone.
One of the things I love about conferences when we were doing things live, and we would go to these live workshops or conferences, I always appreciated that they had quiet space. Because they knew that there were going to be introverts in the audience that needed to go sit down and be away from others. I so appreciated that they took that into consideration. Absolutely. You do need that recharge. You know, now we have those electric cars. I feel like an electric car. Do I need to go plug in somewhere? Like recharge my battery? That’s how I feel like an electric car. I should extend, extend, extend, and I need to plug in and be alone.
Steve: Yes, yeah, absolutely. And I totally resonate with that. One of the things that I do on a daily basis is, is using the 750words.com website. And one of the things that that site does is provides lots of data about what I’ve just written. And one of the things that it tells you is did I write as an introvert or did I write as an extrovert. At least 95% of the time, it says I’ve written as an introvert rather than an extrovert, although the extrovert does show up occasionally. So it’s not like this Either/Or. There’s a tendency, the vast majority of the time, that I’m showing up as an introvert, not as an extrovert.
Sometimes, you attend conferences and different events, where there seems to be a preponderance, an abundance of extroverts, who just have lots of lots of energy. It can feel like I’ve got horns or something. Do you remember the percentage of the world the population that’s introverted and the percentage that’s extroverted?
Kim: You know, you would be surprised. And a larger percentage of the world are introverts, really. And it just seems like there’s a lot of extroverts because they’re everywhere, and but it’s only it’s a small, a smaller percentage of people are extroverts, true to nature 90% 100% of their time, right. But it just seems like there’s a lot of them but it’s the same ones. Even though it’s the same ones, and they’re everywhere, but the most majority are not extrovert. And again, it’s really tapping into the passion.
An introvert can be just as passionate as an extrovert. We are very passionate people. We’re also very self aware. And that’s what allows us to say I need some space for me, and we also are passionate about other people creating and finding their space. And creating and finding their voice, creating and finding a purpose. That’s what I love about introverts is we’re very human, humanity connected, because we understand ourselves. And we want others to have the same sort of peace and serenity, and tapping into who they are.
Steve: That’s a great perspective. So you mentioned that you were around 40, when you discovered that you were an introvert. Were you an introvert the whole time, just you weren’t aware that you are an introvert? How often does that happen for your clients? What does that awareness do for them?
Kim: Here’s how it shows up to me that they’re introverts. I say, so, how long have you been in business? How do you get business? Ninety percent will say, word of mouth referrals. And so that’s the reason why they say they don’t work for the marketing, because they get all their business from other people’s testimonials, referrals, things like that. And so, I said, I always ask them, so what happens when the referrals run dry? Okay, now it’s time to do marketing.
What we need to do is create an environment where they, where you’re sharing data, sharing information, when you don’t need their business. And then when you do, it’s because it’s, it’s not because that’s the only reason you reached out. But throughout the year, you’re sharing relevant information that they can use. And sure there’s a link for them to go to your site and register for or get on your list. But that’s not the main reason why we’re reaching out. So that’s what I tell my clients, and that’s what I help them do.
Let’s figure out ways that you can provide support information opportunities for folks to learn more about or do more with their circumstance. And then they can make a purchase if they want to. But you need to show up as that go-to person. Who is that go-to person you want to be known as? And then let’s have you show up on a regular basis as that person. Okay.
Steve: So it sounds like that’s both strategic in terms of, you know, activity. And maybe the flip side of that is strategic as far as energy management as well. Right?
Kim: Definitely strategic and attention. Hmm. You know, because if we don’t think about, if we don’t think about, I need to sell, you know, we have to pay the bills. So why not set up yourself intentionally knowing I want to sell, if that’s the right person – because I tell you, introverts are snobs, too. We know we can’t work with everyone. And we don’t want to work with everyone. We know there’s a specific person that’s ideal for our business, right? So intention is all about who are we trying to connect with?
And then sharing the information and letting people decide whether or not they’re going to use it. And eventually, they end up in your mailbox saying, hey, I need your help. I’ve been reading your column, I’ve been watching your podcast, listening to your podcast, and you touched something the other day for me. And see that’s what happens is you need to be out there on a consistent basis.
One way or another, people will plug in and say I need to work with you. Because of something you said maybe it was few months ago.
And you know what, you know what’s funny to me is when I’m working with my clients on their campaigns, it’s so funny how they have a certain mindset around, this is how I’d like to show up and this is how I like folks to engage with me. And then it happens somewhere else. It’s so funny, and I say, you know what, we’re not gonna worry about that. We did the work. The business is coming over here. It’s not coming where you expected. And that’s the point I love. It’s like let’s just generate the energy and then the business will come. We don’t even care how it shows up. It’s just gonna show up.
Steve: You saying that reminds me of when you came to me about wanting help with your story. It had probably been a few months since we’d had any kind of really evident communication with one another. You were in my group, I was in your group. We’d had a conversation or two. Then you reached out to me saying you wanted some help with your story. And I’m like, of course. You know, I’m happy to help you.
It wasn’t like I was out actively seeking you out, saying, Hey, Kim, we really need to work on your story. I just kept on doing what I was doing. And whatever happened on your side, happened, such that you had the desire to reach out to me and ask for some help with your story. Which I thought was awesome. It’s so true that we really don’t know. It’s hard to identify exactly how these relationships develop and grow the way that they do. It’s, as you’re saying, being open to them happening the way that they happen.
Kim: It is it is. It’s like we connect with people that resonate with us. And we say, I like that person. I like how they show up. And I want to connect with them. And I want to stay connected. And, and we never know. No, that’s not true. I knew I needed some help with my story. I had connected with a few other folks around my story, and it was a journey. And then I found that you were very approachable and available in ways that worked for me. So when I was ready to explore my next story journey, you were the one that I said, You know what, let me just tap into Steve and see if he can help me get this done.
Steve: Wow. Awesome. Well, I’m glad that that worked out that way I and I was delighted to help you and delighted to help your your story come to fruition.
We mentioned early on in our conversation, the friends that you have behind you. Can you tell us a little about who we see in your background there.
Kim: Okay, so these are my marketing monsters. And I came up with the five of them. These guys are confidence zappers. For an introvert, a lot of times our marketing savvy isn’t what it coould be because of our lack of confidence in one of these areas.
I want to introduce you to them. But I also want to let you know that because there’s such a need for introverts to kind of kick these guys to the curb, I also designed the Marketing Monsters Academy. And so they are the stars in my Marketing Monsters Academy. In the academy we learn strategies and techniques for kicking them to the curb, so they start becoming the monsters under the bed.
I’m going to start with the most the most relevant confidence zapper.
Renny is the procrastination monster. And I don’t care who you are. If you have a lack of confidence in your business in your life, you’re going to procrastinate doing what you know you need to do. It’s either I don’t want to do it. Or, I don’t know how to do it. So Renny is the procrastination monster. We learn why are we procrastinating. Is it because I don’t know how to do it, or I don’t want to do it.
And whichever one that is, then we need to look at some strategies to if you don’t want to do it, and it needs to get done that how do we make it happen? If I don’t, so if I don’t know how to do it, then you need to either learn how to do it or get someone to help you get it done, right because it still needs to happen. And if you say I don’t know how to do it, but I’m willing to learn. And let’s get to the learning you need so that you can kick it to the curb.
If you’re not marketing your business, you’re not going to make money on a regular basis. It’s going to be a hit or miss. You’re going to be shooting from your hip forever. Right. So learn how to market in a way that works for you so that you can stop procrastinating the growth of your business.
This one is Gabby. Remember I said introverts are snobs. And I apologize if that’s not a great word, I’m sorry. You have to be snobbish about who it is you can work with, to get them the right results, okay? That’s what I’m saying. You can’t work with everybody to get the results you want for them.
And as a coach, we don’t we don’t drive that bus. All we can say is, we can help you go where you want to go. And let’s see how we can get you there. But you drive that bus. And Gabby said, “Shoot! I paid for a great website. If they want to know me, they go on my website and click on the link, they can schedule that discovery session, and we’re good.”
And I say, Gabby, that’s not enough. Gabby says, Well, I don’t know where to find them. So let them find me. So if a Gabby is the monster that keeps showing up, saying, I don’t know how to find my people, then stop procrastinating. And let’s figure out how to find your people. Because the website alone is not going to be enough.
Then we have Avery, my technology monster. Now Avery is going to show up in one of two ways. Either you’re tech savvy, and you’re getting overwhelmed with all these amazing toys. Or you’re not tech savvy, and you’re sticking with pencil and paper. I love that Avery has been my monster, because you know, we always get the email that says you gotta have this technology. It’s the biggest, the best, the newest, whatever…
I figured out, I’m gonna find the system that works for me, and allows me to grow in my business. I don’t, I may not need all the bells and whistles to start. But I need enough that it’s integrated enough that I can go to one place, I can go to one service Customer Service Group, and they’re gonna fix it if it doesn’t work. And I don’t want what’s new, I want what’s tried and true. That’s me as an introvert. I don’t want new, I want tried and true. Because when it breaks, I need someone to fix it. Right? Or I need to know how to fix it.
Avery the technology monster can get in the way. It’s a very shiny object. You press him. Buy now! And it’s like you don’t even know, learn how to use one system really well. That’s it. You don’t need all these other things. Learn how to use what you’ve got, leverage your investment, and get help. So that you know every time they come up. You’re not going to Buy Now. You’ve already got your system. You’re committed and loyal.
My next monster is Gerke. Now he knows he needs to grow. And he knows there are others who also serve his demographic. What keeps him from growing is he never believes he’s big enough. So Gerke knows he needs some partners. He needs to collaborate. But my list is small. My business is small, I haven’t been doing it that long. And Gerke is the credibility monster. If we don’t feel that we’re big enough, good enough for others, right? Then we stay small.
I could take you to the curb by reaching out and finding folks like you that are serving my client base. And it’s intentional because I know I can add value to your market to your people. And it’s all about giving. Until you feel credible, start giving and find the right groups of people who also serve your market. Tap into them. Get to know the moderators and the owners of the group and find ways to collaborate. You can’t work with everybody. You only can work with a few so why not share your talents in groups where they live work and play.
My last marketing monster is Faye, my networking monster. She looks like a pillow. She will keep you at the house. She says you don’t need to go just stay here with me. You know we don’t like being in those events anyway and shoving cards in your face. You know you just got to go get your your nerves and sit in the back. You could do that in the house now that we have zoom. You don’t have to go at all.
I say , looky here I’m going to go. Because I want to meet awesome people. And I want to have some fun. So now it’s not about me. I go to have fun, eat the food, shake some hands, kiss some babies, you know? Like, it’s my party. And I just find out. So what brings you here today? And I’m going to show up where I know my people are going to be. Because now I have something to talk about. Why would I show up in a room of people that have absolutely nothing in common? I’m a snob. So I’m gonna go be where my people are. And let’s talk about what’s working for you. You know, what’s the greatest challenge you’ve had in your business?
I may not even be looking for new business, I might be looking for some friends. So set a goal, why am I going go meet three new people. And if they give me their card, I give them my card. Make sure that I have a way to follow up with those I want to write. So I own the moment.
Those are so cool! I could relate to every single one of them.
I had someone message me recently. I’m doing a summit. I did one at the beginning of April. I’m doing it again in July, and someone reached out to me to say that he was interested in being on the summit. And, and instead of just saying, Okay, sounds great, looks like you’ve got great credentials. It was like, now let’s meet first because I want to make sure that it’s a good fit.
I don’t want to just take someone because they’re interested and might be able to bring however many people. It’s got to be something that that feels good. Maybe that’s part of that introversion because I’ve spent so much time getting to know who I am, the people that I enjoy being around, and vice versa, the people who enjoy being around me, you know, I don’t say yes to everybody. In fact, I say no to a lot of people.
I want to have relationships that means something to me, right? You know, if managing these relationships is often rewarding, but it can also be draining. So by just saying yes to everybody means that I’m also saying yes to a lot of people that likely will be draining my energy rather than boosting my energy.
Kim: You bring up a such a great point. Because introverts are great in relationships, we cherish our relationships, we don’t take them lightly. And so we have to stay true to who we are, and invest the time in those relationships. And like you say, if people reach out to you to want to connect, do the research, find out who they are.
And I get friend requests, and I’m like, no, that’s not that doesn’t even make sense. And then you wonder why did you even reach out to me?
The LinkedIn folks kill me. They give you this whole spiel about who they are. And it’s like, it doesn’t help me. You’re just trying to generate a sale. But you don’t really care about me because you didn’t tell me why you felt like I was the one. Right? So I am so with you.
On the flip side, once we do make that connection, do we nurture them? We just put them on the list and talk to you when I talk to you right? One of the things I find most frustrating is when people want to join my group, and then they have nothing more to say. If I can’t get them to engage, interact anything. So I totally hear you. And that’s what makes us even more snobbish, it’s like, oh, wait a minute, if you’re not going to engage in my group, and why are you here just to soak up information and not to share? We want that reciprocal conversation. We want that reciprocal relationship. You give, I give. You get, I get. When people aren’t willing to do that, it’s kind of defeating, and it does drain the energy.
Steve: Thank you, Kim, for sharing your marketing monsters and your wisdom and heart with us today.
Come join in the Stories of Gold Conversation. You can watch live in The Art of Entrepreneurship Facebook group. Or, you can watch the replay on YouTube.