In the second post on my Stories of Gold conversation with Talia Dashow, we talk about how finding the right environment helps to express your creativity and your authenticity. (Go to part one.)
Showing your work to your neighbor is so valuable. I’ve had a lot of insecurity around my drawing. Then I share my little cartoon with someone, and they can’t get enough of what I’ve created.
That’s one reason I like doing the group that I run. So often people will say, I don’t like this, and someone else will say, really. I love it. When I first experienced that with somebody I trusted, who said that they liked something that I had made that I didn’t like, it opened up the possibility that maybe I didn’t need to listen to the stories in my head that told me it was terrible, or wrong. Yeah. Once I lived in that space long enough, I was able to open up to the possibility that maybe the stories that tell me that I’m no good, are also wrong.
That’s why I do this in a group, is because you get people be able to see things in each other, that they can’t see in themselves.
Our creativity is often dampened by the well-meaning teacher or well-meaning parent. The playfulness of youth gets a lid put on it because someone doesn’t like it or doesn’t respond in the way that we would like them to respond. We interpret their response to mean something different than what they probably intended it to mean,
Absolutely! I can’t tell you the number of times, I would take a new idea, a new creative thought something that I was playing with, and bring it to my mom with the feeling of, I have a new plant and I’d like you to help me tend it and help it grow. But that’s not how she took it in. So she said, oh look at this lovely thing you’ve made and it was like she picked the flower and stick it in a vase on the table to be so I’m so proud of you. I’m like no, no, no, no.
But my mom is always on the really practical side and you have to do things that make sense. When my dreams had nothing to do with practicality, she wasn’t the one to help me. When I needed someone to water these sprouts of creativity, she wasn’t the right person for it. But I didn’t have anyone else to go to at the time.
How do you respond to that? How did you continue to find ways to express your creativity?
I drew inward for a really long time, and creativity was something I did for myself and nobody else. And I wouldn’t do with other people and I didn’t believe that anybody else would care about it.
In high school, I was in a synagogue where they decided to put on the musical, Fiddler on the Roof. My twin brother was cast as the main character. I was like, I want to be one of the sisters. I want to have a partl. I want to be out there. I got up there and I looked at all the people in rehearsal, and I looked at all the people looking at me and I’m like, and they’re like, that’s not a good part for you.
So they threw a sheet over me and had me be the ghost. Suddenly, I’m up there belting. Having the sheet over me, gave me permission to show up in a way that I couldn’t do when I saw everybody looking at me.
I just kept finding places like that, where it had to come out in the creativity, in the play. It wanted to come out, but I was scared to let it out, and I was scared of how people would respond to it.
I found the spots where I was a little bit hidden and a little bit safer and a little bit more able to feel like I have some control over over how much I showed up. Then I could play. The more I learned that other people were not responding as negatively as my brain was responding, the easier it became to show up more of who I was in front of other people.
I was recently hiking through a forest with my family. There were a couple of little informational placards, as we were hiking along. One of the placards talked about the shade tolerant plants, and another about the light-loving plants. So often we think that we need to be the light loving plants. We need to be the ones that soak up the light. We need to be visible in order for us to not be imposters. We need to play a role that doesn’t feel comfortable for us. We need to be the Fiddler on the Roof, not the ghost in the background.
As you’re expressing that I was thinking, maybe being the shade tolerant plant is okay. Maybe we need to have that shade in order for us to flourish. We don’t all need the full-on sunlight, the full-on visibility, and the spotlights glaring on us. When we allow ourselves to have more shade, we can really shine in ways that we wouldn’t otherwise.
Certainly there’s ecological niches for available for all different ways of being. The forest needs the shade-tolerant plants as much as it needs the sunlight. I think our world needs that as well. Everybody will resonate with different people. Maybe those of us who need a little bit of shade and shelter will attract the people who also need a little bit of shade and who will be too scared to go join the ones that are in the full daylight. So yeah, I think there’s definitely room for everybody.
I also think that there’s a way that we can sort of follow what feels right in the moment. I am much more willing to show up now and be more visible. Then I was able to do it with a sheet over my head.
When I was developing this course that I have right now, I was sort of following what feels like the things that I want to bring into the world. I have this idea I’m a little scared to show it to people. I could show it to my best friends that would be okay. Okay, I’ve showed it to my best friend. Now I could show it to a few other people that would be okay. And so it sort of, you don’t have to push yourself past where you’re comfortable to be. Just take the next step. And then the next step. I don’t have to see what 10 miles down the road looks like. I just have to take the next step.
By giving myself the shade that I needed, in writing and speaking, I was able to grow, and develop, and sink deeper roots. So that when I do have opportunities to be more visible, that I can thrive in that environment as well. I think it’s really important to figure out how much shade or sun we need to thrive.
When we’re seeking to overcome that imposter syndrome, in addition to the activity we want to engage in, perhaps another thing to consider is where will we best do this activity, and with whom will we best engage in this activity.
When I talk to others about about imposter syndrome, I encourage people to talk to themselves the way they would talk to somebody that they cared about. Would you talk to a six year old and say that’s terrible? How can you do that? I wouldn’t do that. But our own inner six year olds are still listening to ourselves and our own inner six year old are not going to come out and play if it’s not safe.
If we’re busy telling ourselves, You suck. They’re not going to come out and play. It has to be safe. They have to know that there’s love and compassion and room for messiness and mistakes, but also room for playing, growth, and creativity, and fun. We don’t let ourselves have that play and creativity and fun, if we’re busy putting ourselves down. How can we talk to ourselves as though we were still that little six year old that we care about and want to nurture?
Continue on to part three.