Have you ever asked Google for directions? I certainly have. Needing to get around an unfamiliar town has given me lots of opportunities to ask Google for directions.
Recently, I asked Google, “What’s the shortest distance between two people?”
Google responded with a quote from Victor Borge who said, “The shortest distance between two people is a smile.”
That wasn’t the response I was expecting. I’d recently read author Patti Digh who says, ““The shortest distance between two people is a story.”
When you ask Google for directions, you don’t always get the response you expected.
That’s also true when you ask someone to share their story.
I regularly have the opportunity to meet new people who are interested in seeing how we might support each other and our businesses. It’s an established way of building a business, and one I’ve engaged in dozens of times. I like to begin the get-to-know-you experience by asking the potential joint venture partner about themselves. That usually works well.
At the end of our conversation, after we’ve both had an opportunity to share our stories, we usually both have a greater appreciation for one another. A new relationship is created.
Sometimes, the person on the other side of the call is more business like and less relationship oriented. They want to know what my program is, how many joint venture partners I have, what the size of my mailing list, etc.
They want data. Not a story. They want leverage. Not a relationship.
Yesterday, I had another one of those calls that began with each of us considering the potential of working together. We knew a little bit about each other from shared profiles on JVIC, “the world’s leading community to connect and collaborate with industry leaders.”
The call began with both of us exchanging pleasantries and information about our businesses. We were exchanging information. Not a story.
The conversation wasn’t starting on the strongest foundation. Then I asked my prospect to elaborate on what she does. Before I knew it were headed in a very different direction than I expected.
It was a bit like asking Google for directions and receiving guidance that doesn’t land me where I want to go.
Like the time my wife and I were heading to a church event in Maple Valley, a town twenty miles away from home. We knew where the town was. We had no idea how to get to the event, so we entered the address into Google Maps and headed out for the event.
As happens too often, we left with no time to spare. Google Maps led us across the South Sound from Tacoma towards Maple Valley. The area looked, at least, somewhat familiar. We knew the general terrain but not the specific details.
It was a scenic drive with forests, nice residential neighborhoods, shopping complexes, and views of Mt Rainier in the distance.
Then Google Maps wound us closer to what we hoped would be our destination. The time for the event was drawing close. Google Maps said, “You have arrived.”
We were in the middle of a wooded area with only a handful of houses. Not a church building in sight. By this time, I’m already feeling stressed that the directions have wound us around for so long that I feel anxious.
Martha and I look at each other. “I don’t think so.”
Google Maps asks us “How satisfied were you with the directions?”
Uh, not very. In fact, we’re bleeping lost! With no idea of how to get where we wanted to go.
Sometimes attempts to connect go astray.
The same thing can happen when we share our stories. We assume that like Google Maps, the storyteller understands where we are trying to go. We expect the story to take us on a pleasant ride, and both storyteller and listener end up feeling good about future journeys together.
Until you find yourself lost in the woods wondering how to actually get where you want to go.
In yesterday’s get-to-know-you meeting, I realized we were far from where I was expecting to end the journey together. I didn’t know where we were, and I didn’t feel good about the experience. I just wanted to end the call early and see if I could still make use of the time I had available.
I expressed my disappointment and asked for a re-do. She had led me down a path of getting to know her product offering. It looked good. Impressive, even. But I didn’t agree to the call to hear her tell me all about her product. I agreed to the call because I wanted to know who she is and if we would enjoy working together.
From what I had seen so far, probably not.
We started again, this time with her telling her story. The struggles and the successes she’d seen along the way to where she is now. Before long, I realized that I wanted the conversation to continue rather than end early.
Story, like Google Maps, works well when it is given the right coordinates. But like Google Maps, it doesn’t work well when the person navigating and the person giving the directions aren’t aligned. When that happens, sometimes it’s best to check the address and start again.
For the story to end in a happy place, both the storyteller and the audience need to have their expectations met.