Do you ever have an internal argument around money? Do those inner battles get resolved?

While reading Daniel Siegel’s book, Mindsight, I came across a story about a couple, Denise and Peter, who were seeing the author in a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.

It brought back memories of my own challenges in my marriage. Those challenges were brought to the forefront over the past year due to the changes I was making in my life: my faith and name transition.

My wife, Martha, and I have been together for thirty years now, and most of that time I would classify as happy and supportive. We pride ourselves on our ability to communicate. Even when we hit rough patches, we have ultimately been successful in resolving the differences.

That doesn’t mean the process has always been easy or comfortable.

In the opening scene of the above-mentioned story, we find Denise in a psychiatry chair declaring, “He’s a wimp! And what’s more, his neediness makes me sick!”

Peter, slouched on the couch, responded, “It doesn’t take long to figure out this isn’t working. I married a narcissist. What was wrong with me?”

While my relationship with Martha has rarely, if ever, descended to this level, I have had relationships that have. Like with money.

Siegel introduced the contrast between a reactionary stance and a receptive stance in the chapter involving Denise and Peter. Their opening words were very reactionary. As they worked with the author to mend their relationship, they began to be more receptive to one another and their relationship improved.

As I was processing what I was learning in Mindsight, I found myself in conversation with Martha trying to work through a problem we were facing. Together.

On the surface, it wasn’t a major issue, though from past experiences, I knew that even little issues can become big issues if I come from a reactionary place rather than a receptive place.

At some point in our conversation, I felt the need to bring up something that had me initially reacting internally to something Martha had said.

Putting the lessons I was learning to use, I decided I would see what would happen if I came from a receptive place instead. I took a deep breath and began. I started out uneasily, but I continued to hold onto being receptive to both Martha’s perspective as well as to a happy outcome for our conversation.

Before I knew it, we came to an agreement that helped both of us take a small step toward an even better relationship. An agreement that has since blessed our lives and strengthened our relationship.

I’ve noticed as I’ve worked with my clients that our relationship with money often mirrors our interpersonal relationships. Our relationship with money can be fraught with discord, or it can be secure and loving. The quality of the relationship depends more on how open and receptive we are to what our money story is telling us.

Shine brightly!

Stef

prosperity reactive receptive relationship